Puerto Rico & Puffery

I'm back from Puerto Rico! It was a great trip-- the sunsets were amazing; it was wonderful to be with my family; Meema was easy going and fit in well with the whole crazy lot of us.

My parents like to travel off the beaten path and several years ago, fell in love with a surfer town on the Caribbean West Coast of Puerto Rico-- Rincon. My mom is always talking about buying some real estate there. (If any of you have read my blog from the beginning, you may recall that I was there in Jan. 2005 with my family and Hammer). I think I was a little nervous about going back to the same place, given that the last time I was there, I was in the throes of alcoholic misery. But I had nothing to fear. All in all- it was a very successful vacation!

Meema and I decided that we wanted to get tattoos together, but the town was so small that they didn't have a tattoo parlor. We drove up to the Atlantic Coast on Thursday and found a tattoo place there, but couldn't get inked because to do so would have meant staying out of the ocean on our last day. (Sigh.) I guess we'll have to go together somewhere here in NY and maybe just pretend that our tattoos are Puerto Rican. In any case, I wore my bikini and felt good about it; I ate coconut (always a favorite activity of mine); I drove a jet ski and I went horseback riding on the beach. So perfect.

NYC was somehow so gray when I returned. (Has it always been this gray?)

I will try to post some pictures here in another day or two.

In any case, it was also nice to have a week away from Narc and dating and teaching and all the rest. He texted me a few times while he was gone about some horrendous case of pink eye, but I tried not to let it make me stressed. We talked on the phone once and he told me that he loves that new VH1 show "Tough Love" due to his misogynist streak. (Yes, he actually said that). He likes to see the women "put in their place, for once." I tried watching an episode when I got back to NY but found myself nauseated. I've decided not to become a viewer.

But worse than that, my friend Drew is going through a personal crisis and texted me every two minutes about some drama that she decided to increasingly complicate with her every decision, taking none of my advice. I am really frustrated with the whole thing because I"m worried about her and she doesn't seem to want to help herself. There's nothing more I can do except to ask her to meet me at a meeting. I spoke to my sponsor (Sugary) about it and felt a little better.

On Saturday, when I returned, NDN and Tamika and I went out for NV's birthday and then down to the village to another birthday party. They taught me a new word: "PUFFERY." I like it. (It reminded me of Narc, but they explained that it usually applies to the claims of commerical enterprises. For example, see "Custy's World Famous International Buffet.") I am going to try to find ways to incorporate the word into more daily use.

I'm trying to recommit myself to AA these days, as I have had several mounting resentments about stupid things. Sugary and I are going to start meeting regularly on Sundays. Also, I have been listening to Joe & Charlie and I love their calming voices.

The week before I left for Puerto Rico, Narc came up to my place drunk and told me all sorts of ridiculous thing-- that I am "better than a fairy tale" to him, his "one true love," his "goddess," "better than any novel," etc. I think it's really unfair of him to keep doing this to me, although I know that by allowing it I'm really doing it to myself. I asked him the next day if he really meant it or if he was just drunk.

"A little of both," he said.

"So, you do love me?"

"Of course I love you!" he said. "Like I haven't loved anyone. But who knows about the things I say when I'm drunk. You remember how it is-- none of it counts."

oh yeah...

I'm trying to forget all about that because I have a date on Thursday with a co-worker of my friend Jake. (I think I already told you all that in my previous post). I'm excited about it and nervous, because he's so "perfect on paper," but at the same time, I'm already starting to write him off because he's such a "nice guy." Why do I DO that? I really want to control myself and give this guy a chance. He has called me a few times, including to welcome me back from Puerto Rico-- he doesn't play games. Then again, I haven't even met him yet. He could be awfully unattractive, in which case all of this speculation and all of these nerves are pointless. I'm going to get my roots done before the date, anyway. All of that sunshine oxidized my hair and turned it redder. I want to go more blond.

I suppose that's it for now. I babysat for Sesame again yesterday. She is so beautiful and delicious and I just love her so, so, so, so much!! I love how she loves me, too. She is always excited to see me.

It still feels like winter today. When is spring coming?

love,
Hyde-- the world's most fabulous blogger.