I am drinking diet Mountain Dew... on the rocks. There is something grossly unnatural about that. The sun is out, but my hands are cold. I'm tired and don't want to be reading about factory reform.
The other night when I was out to dinner with Narc and his friends, something struck me-- many people talk themselves up and sell themselves with ease. I can't seem to come by that skill. In fact, it always surprises me when I see others doing it. One woman at the table introduced herself as a jeweler. It turns out that although she has an academic background in "European silver and gold," she has only just started taking classes in jewelry making. I don't introduce myself as a "historian." Maybe I should... maybe I am... But I tend to say that I'm a "grad student."
I was at a doctor's office with my mom a few weeks ago and mentioned that I'm on a semester schedule.
"Oh, you're in college!" said the nurse.
I just smiled and didn't say anything.
"She TEACHES college!" my mom piped up.
I felt "bad" about that for some reason.
Again-- at dinner on Sunday night, Narc was making some reference to Dante's Inferno. To prove his point (which was a rather ridiculous point), he insisted that he had read the Inferno in the original Italian. Everyone at the table nodded solemnly, as such a statement commanded immediate respect. But I had to try hard not to roll my eyes. Narc doesn't speak Italian! How could he say something like that and not expect to get caught?
Later, back at his place, I called him out.
"You don't speak Italian," I pointed out.
"Yes, but I read it in the original Italian. In my edition it's printed side by side with the English."
"No shit. It's that way in my edition too. But just because you physically read the Italian words, if you didn't understand them and translate them, I don't think it qualifies as having read it in the 'original Italian.'"
"Of course it does," he said.
The conversation began to teeter on an argument, and I didn't want to have one of those over something so trivial. It wasn't even that I cared about the lie. It just struck me as an incredible ability to effortlessly inflate himself. Why can't I do that? I don't even want to make things up! I just want to be able to own what I actually have achieved.
In any case, I really liked the Jeweler. She remembered the Lalique exhibit at Cooper Hewitt that transformed me back in 1999; and she had read Ruskin's Sesame & Lilies and Mary Wollstonecraft. She invited me to a class with her yoga guru who apparently has a penthouse (or something like it) in Trump Tower.
Ugh... I hate the mouse on the computer here in the Adjunct office. It get stuck makes me want to smash it into shards against the wall.
Ok... back to dreary factories and abused children. Have to get the lesson plan done in the next half hour... Looking forward to tonight's debate.
love,
h
2 comments:
How did reading Inferno in Italian rather than English prove any point? Even it were true I'm not understanding what he gains from that.
As far as selling yourself, better to be modest and have people discover your actual awesomeness than claiming to be awesome at the outset and risk disappointment. It's one of the reasons I downplay any assertions that I "speak Japanese." Sure, I can get by, but if I confirm that vague statement I'm setting myself up for endless "what did he say?" questions that I probably can't answer.
(PS: I did read Natsume Soseki's "Ten Nights of Dreams" in the original Japanese. What do I win?)
See, Hyde, you are not narcissistic...that is the difference.
And reading something in it's original language, if you can translate it on your own, can sometimes add nuances that a text translation cannot convey....especially with such allegorical fiction (or poetry). But if you can't translate it, there really is no point, and clearly Narc doesn't get what the point would have been.
Me...I'm a social worker and a therapist. And, yes, I do both those things.
P.S. I think you should call yourself a historian or a teacher or something. You've earned those things.
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