...I'm still in hard times.
Tonight is my annual La Bohème and sugar cookie night. I'm making pumpkin bread too. But N and I had a difficult talk this morning. I cried. In a weak attempt to compensate, I numbly I shopped for makeup and new bras and spent money I don't have. Now I'm feeling guilty. I skipped AA. I feel very tired and a little anesthetized. This thing with the two of us will never be right, when it has always been "wrong" at its core.
On the upside, NDN and Tamika are coming up here later to share my cookies and have a holiday pizza party. My tree is already up and splendid. Yesterday I danced around my apartment to cheesy Mariah Carey Christmas music. Oh-- and I bought an outfit to wear to my birthday party. It makes me feel sexy. That's kind of new. And it's kind of nice. (I don't even need to wear a bra under the lace top, since my new breasts stand at salute!)
Even so... (sigh).
heart-break is heartbreak.
love,
h
1 comment:
Stay strong and remember that you are where you are in life because of the things YOU did, with no help from him.
Maybe it's time to make more new changes?!
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