The Moral Economy

Every day has been full. There's barely been a minute to pause! Yesterday I had brunch with an old high school friend, Farb. I hadn't seen her in about 12 years. We ate at Friend of a Farmer in Gramercy and then walked around Union Square. It was strange to see such a familiar face and to hear such a familiar voice grown and morphed and somehow changed from an 18 year old girl to a 31 year old woman overnight. It was as if the entire past twelve years had lasted only one night, and everything that has happened to me in that time became, somehow, incidental.

Meema is staying at my house right now. She's going through a divorce, but I'm proud of her for how strong she is. When I got back from brunch, we chatted for a while. I did all I could to put off writing my lecture on the English Enlightenment. She bought me a bar of soap at a street fair. It was lovely.

On Saturday night, we watched The Other Boleyn Girl and Saturday Night Live. We both want to buy a "jar glove."

On Saturday afternoon, Narc and I had dumplings before taking a stroll through Little Italy's San Gennaro festival. Afterwards, we shared a coconut cupcake and got in a fight about postmodernism at a new cafe in Hammer's neighborhood. Narc believes that the "palace of art" should be guarded.

Last week I had my first voice lesson in quite some time. I don't feel like myself when I'm not singing. Something beautiful is on the horizon. It comes with cold Fall air and layers of clothing and boots and singing lessons and hours in the library. This time of year is such a relief.

Last night I caught up with Brick on the phone. He's doing well. I may have a new sponsee in AA. She told me that she has 19 years sober but has never really worked the steps. That kind of sobriety intimidates me, but I'm just going to trust that she came into my life for a reason. I'm going to meet with her tomorrow after the meeting.

I hope it's not taking on too much to have another sponsee. I've been feeling pulled apart in a million directions-- by friends, by work, by family, by EVERYTHING! I just don't have enough time anymore to do it and to do it right.

In any case, I've been addicted to buying clothes lately. I can't afford it. I'm also addicted to caffeine. I bought one of those new "Garnier" eye de-puffers with caffeine in it. I doubt it will work, but I just liked the idea of rolling a caffeine pen over the skin under my eyes.

Anyway, I should get back to work. The differences between the British and the French Enlightenment are striking and explain a lot. In the case of Britain, politics should affirm the cosmic harmony, integrating individual appetites into an equilibrium (through the invisible hand of the market and so on). A new "moral economy" is founded on individualism and then Shaftesbury integrates pleasure into that moral frame. Hedonism in ethics validates free economic activity. It seems as if the English ideology leads into a sort of refined hedonism and enlightened "self-interest."

BigSis called me this afternoon. She said that she is 1 cm dilated and that the baby is dropped. It's a few weeks before her original due date, but the baby is full term. I absolutely can't wait!

Well... that's it for now.

love,
h

In Gray

It's a gray and dreary day today. Mr. Rochester is sitting at my feet. I had to take him to the vet last week and he was not happy about it. I'm glad he's okay, although I need to bring him back to have his teeth cleaned.

I really want to buy a pair of riding boots-- tall black boots with a stacked heel. I'd wear them out on a day like today.

I've been doing a lot of clothes shopping lately. I'm going for an 18th century look. A week or so ago, Hammer and I had an afternoon reunion and made our way through the shops of SoHo. We had brunch at Cafe Colonial and then both bought colored skinny-jeans at Uniqlo. She has already returned hers. I tried mine on for Narc and he said they're ok, but I'm still thinking about it. I also got a few tops at Anthropologie.

I watched every night of both political conventions. Giuliani made me want to puke all over myself. I can't stand Sarah Palin. It's so much aggravation that I don't want to think about it anymore, but the political season is just beginning. I will want to move far away if Obama doesn't win. Every time I eat arugula now, I think of myself as a latte-drinking liberal. That only reminds me that I need to kick my caffeine addiction which has become markedly worse.

Other than that, I've just been doing a lot of school work and spending a lot of time with Narc. We've been together almost every night. We've watched many "Sex in the City" re-runs. CouchSleeper got robbed at gunpoint in his apartment and ended up crashing at Narc's for a few days. Narc uploaded all of his "papers" onto some server and gave me the password in case of his demise. I hope he's not planning on going anywhere...

The weekend before last, I went to the beach with my mom and LilSis. It was a beautiful end to a tolerable summer-- the best summer I've had since 1999. This past weekend, I met Meema and StarGazer for brunch in Long Island City. We walked around the park behind the Pepsi Co. sign. It was beautiful out. I ate a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich and bought a pair of false eyelashes. There was arugula on my sandwich.

Anyway, I'm sure there's much more to say, but I'm tired and need to figure out something to say about the Seven Year's War instead of figuring out what to blog about. Tomorrow I'm teaching all day; on Thursday I'm meeting Hammer for coffee and then going to my voice lesson and AA. If I can, I'll stop by St. Bart's for the 9/11 memorial service. This weekend I may meet up with an old high school friend.

I want to get back into my old blogging routine. The more I wrote, the easier it was to write. Guess these things have their own rhythm.

That's all for now...

love,
h